Sunday Night

But in good news, look what came in the mail:

From the company http://puravidabracelets.com/

(Yes, I do have a pura vida tattoo also.)

New support bracelets for me! The fiery red & orange one is for my new diag-nonsense. 

The peaceful sea-blues are in honor of the http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/ which was founded by Mariska Hargitay (Detective Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU) is also near and dear to my heart, life, and being. 

That's not usually something I go into on this blog, but obviously it's a real [past//PTSD] issue in my life too. This blog still won't turn it's focus there very often. If you have any questions about it, just ask me.

Last night I watched Elizabeth: The Golden Age and loved a line she said:

"I have a secret, my dear. I pretend there's a pane of glass between me and them. They can see me, but they cannot touch me. You should try it."

I've lived like this, in some aspects, for a long time. Yet in my last blog post I challenged myself to stop. In accordance with my new strive for deeper vulnerability and openness, I mentioned that dark part of my past life; the one I wear a sea-colored bracelet for (or sometimes a purple bracelet which simply represents DV).

And now, in the same thread of thought, I embrace my own challenge and share this:

You may have seen this photo on my FB or IG. I love it. It's my Marilyn picture. You may now be thinking that a sexy picture in a slip isn't the openness I should be sharing. Don't worry, it's not.

In my blog on "looking sick" I mentioned I've gained weight, and in my last post (Robin Roberts) I mentioned being more open and vulnerable. So I'd like to show you the less model-y "real-me" version of that same photograph.

Yup, stomach, back, arms. I'm a thick girl. That being said, I do love BOTH versions, although in honesty I like the airbrushed one more. It looks more like who I remember being... when I was allowed to exercise, when I had a life, when I played adult soccer 3 hours a week and coached 16 hours. But that's not me *today* so I'm trying; I'm practicing an effort to learn to love that second picture more...to reject society's ideals and to accept that simply being exactly who I am in this moment is more than enough. 

So there's my beginning of letting the wall down even more. No more glass pane. And with that, I draw nearer to the ever-promised blog post on my specific ailments and what each has done to cripple me.

Thank you always for your promised prayers, dedications, thoughts, comments, messages, etc. I wouldn't be me without you all.