I'm a Married Lady

Tuesday was our 5-month wedding anniversary. At 1-month we went out to dinner. The day before our 2-month was Opening Day and we saw Harper's opening 2 HRs. The next day we got the news that our application for our very own first place together was approved! Our 3-month fell on a weekday when I was modeling in a hair show<~~pretty pictures! The weekend before we had our Open Housewarming Party and a Nats game. The following weekend was jammed pack full of non-romantic stuff. Four month wasn't scheduled to be a thing, but I got a surprise lovely gift.

But at 5-month, we didn't even notice until my dad texted me wishing me a happy anniversary. The amusing thing is Kevin & I weren't even talking to each other (over a stupid fight--we're really good at those) when that text came in. So in bitterness I said, "Daddy wishes us a happy anniversary." It was probably the first thing I'd said in over an hour. I'm incredibly mature. Needless to say, marriage has made both of us good at apologizing. 

Anyways, it's really true that I'm married. I mention it pretty regularly on here, but for my long-distances loves I have photographic proof to share with you! I probably should've shared this a while ago, but what's that saying about better late than never....?

For those of you who don't know the specifics, our wedding was very intimate and small, and planned very quickly (and I mean weeks quickly, not months). It was kind of a shotgun wedding, only I wasn't pregnant. Coming from a large family, we opted to only include immediate relatives, or else a domino effect would ensue (if we invited this person, so we have to invite that cousin...) We were married at Kevin's parents' home, the day before the Super Bowl. My parents were married at her parents' home, the day of the Belmont Stakes in 1982.

The plan was to keep it around 10-15 people. It escalated quickly to 30. Because of Kevin. I could've stopped at 10, easily. He has a lot of best friends, and they all have spouses. Still, it was pretty close to the small, intimate, personal day I wanted. We had no bridal party, although anyone could see Ashlei-Rene was quite clearly my maid of honor, and handled the job with perfection. I wore a silvery dress from Macy's, no big poofy white princess gown. Kevin wore a suit he had worn as a guest at a wedding one week prior. Blaze was the best dogman. I had a simple bouquet and Kevin wore a simple boutonnière. We spent the night before the wedding together and even went out for breakfas. We were together up until about 2pm on our wedding day.

Originally my dear friend, Lynn, was going to wed us, but due to a strange Virginia law (fact: stating a person with a religious ordination, must actively serve a congregation) she was unable to marry us in the state of Virginia. So Kevin's childhood friend's father, a real life Pastor/Reverend/he-didn't-give-me-his-title-just-his-first-name, graciously stepped up with about 5 days notice. Sidebar: marrying your cousin, your first cousin, is totally legal in Virginia. 

To honor my heritage (and our actual preferences rather than traditional wedding pretenses) we had all Italian food. I wasn't wearing white so I didn't have to worry about spilling red sauce! Homemade lasagna, garlic bread, and salad. For dessert we opted for cannoli (my personal favorite & not just Italian, but Sicilian) and tiramisu (his favorite). It's not that we dislike cake, but it doesn't rank high on the favorite dessert list for either of us. So thankfully we actually got to eat at our wedding!

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.”
– Song of Solomon 1: 2

All photos are courtesy of C. F. Harrington Photography (unless otherwise noted).

 

Blaze was happy hanging with me pre-ceremony.

 

About an hour before the ceremony, a light dusting began. It was freezing, but my Cameron, my photog, and I decided it was good luck and a must do for some majestic snowy princess fairytale pictures.

Mom handing me my bouquet. Sadly for her, my perfectly small and intimate wedding stole from her a lot of the typical  Mother-of-the-Bride things. The only others we shared were a pre-wedding mani/pedi and lingerie shopping (which will not be pictured!)

The pre-wedding party upstairs was much more fun for my monster than the ceremony itself. He didn't enjoy being made to sit still in a room full of friends. I also believe those eyes are objecting to the union, because he prefers his mommy all to his little self.  

Pre-wedding, since I was ready waaaaay early, I had an impromptu party upstairs (where I was hiding from Kevin). Anytime one of "my people" arrived, I invited them upstairs to see me. Someone told me that's not traditional--everyone is supposed to ooh and ahh over the bride upon her entrance, but I'm nothing if not unconventional! Daddy and I shared a pre-wedding dance, to "Butterfly Kisses" because I've always said that would be our daddy-daughter dance, should I ever tie the knot. Ironically, I had never intended to tie the knot. Ever. "Butterfly Kisses" is my song with my Daddy, but we'd always laughed at the idea of ME being married. But I digress...our small wedding didn't include music or dancing, so this Daddy/Daughter dance moment came courtesy of my iPhone playing a music video (and came with more judgment of my lack of convention from others because I was yet married and Kevin and I weren't having a dance). Two things to say to that: 1-Whatever, I do what I want. And 2-It's my party and I'll cry (or dance or socialize) if I want to. 

Upon being married, I immediately inherited two beautiful nieces. I couldn't be more in awe of these little beauties, but they're still unsure about me. Lorraine and Lilliane (Lily-an not Lily-Ann, but we just call her Lilli). 

My handsome groom. 

And our lively pastor. 

Kevin appreciates my candor and tells me I can share whatever I want on this blog. So in full disclosure mode I will say that this photo of Daddy "walking me down the aisle" occurred only after he practically dragged me down the stairs and ordered me forward. I stopped going down the stairs no less than 3 times and it had nothing to do with the difficulties of walking in heels. Moments before he and my brother were privy to the greatest single moment of terror in my life to date. 

I haven't asked Ash what she was thinking during this picture, but my best guess is she still thought I might be a Runaway Bride. Weddings terrify me (even as a guest!) and forever is overwhelming. I never paused when getting ready; there was no break in me stopping and reconsidering (though I had a Thelma and Louise plan for if Kevin no-showed). But I did share with her that I had this terrifying fear that I would be physically unable to speak during the vows and the "I do" moment. 

My 2nd Momma [Warfield], Wifey, Moo (with David hiding behind her), Mommy, and Father-in-Law--who sweetly video taped the wedding for us (which was an amazing gift, because I had a sober blackout and don't remember anything that was said during the ceremony. I just know I tensed my shoulders damn near up to my ears and I shook a lot.)

My nieces spent the ceremony crawling on the floor, much of it at my feet. That's their loving mother, my sweet-sis-in-law, sitting with them. 

I inherited two brother-in-laws. One was too sick to fly in from Cali sadly, but he was Skyped in, as was one of K's childhood besties. Also, brother was just in town last week so I finally got to meet him. Nothing but warm welcomes from my new family. Everyone of my new family members is someone I would choose for a friend, so I believe I hit the in-law jackpot!

Lorraine could seriously be a child-model. And I don't think that's familial bias. She's a beauty. 

There's a baby at my feet! Sweet Lilli was all giggles and happiness. Sis-in-law said she thought Lilli's happiness and draw to me was a good sign that she was comfortable with me. All good omens when joining a new family!

My feet are also bare, because I wanted a barefoot ceremony, but I wanted to walk in wearing my Cinderella shoes (that I originally wore in a beauty pageant at 18 years old and were previously shown outside in the snow dusting). On our wedding video there is a terribly awkward moment of me suddenly remembering I'm wearing shoes--then Kevin and I whispering about it, instead of listening to the pastor. Just like two kids in school! Of course our conclusion was that I could subtly (not!) slip out of them mid-ceremony. That video moment is priceless. 

At first I thought Blaze came over. My FIL told me there was a moment when I noticed the girls and turned away from Kevin and the pastor to look at them. He said for half a second he (and everyone probably) was terrified that I was upset... But then I quickly broke into a huge smile. 

Then I worried it'd turn into the scene from the Nutcracker where about a dozen children come dancing out of a woman's dress. (This reference may only make sense of your oldest friendship is with a ballerina)

Also, thank goodness I was wearing good coverage panties, because I think she peeked up the slit in my dress!

My flowers, but this time there are wedding bands on both our hands!

Baby girl with my FIL who is more commonly known as "Dzedo" (the D is silent). My MIL is "Baba". These are bohemian/Czech names for grandma and grandpa. (I kind of wanted to be Zia Shanley, but there's no way that'll stick)

My in-laws, minus my California brother. 

My lifelong ballerina bestie, and perfect, flawless, MoH....

And my Moo! I don't think any of K&my pictures look THAT in love <3

My original wifey, who so graciously shared me. I love that pink tie. 

The Crutchfield's, of course, plus G's gf Kylie. 

The above pictures were all courtesy of Cameron at C.F.Harrington Photography https://www.facebook.com/cfharringtonphotography. Her approach to photography is photojournalism, storytelling, realism. I appreciate this in our photographs, but I know (and she knows) it is not for everyone. If you want a photog who will pose you traditionally, she'll work with you, but she isn't exactly your gal. If you want someone whose pictures will truly capture the essence of the subjects and the event, she's your girl. If you want a photog who will blend into your event as if it's just one of your girlfriends snapping shots, Cameron is your girl! She will also, while photographing, politely share her professional expertise on hair and make up--for a first time bride and MoH doing hair & make up alone, such tips are incredibly valuable. 

The following photos are not from her, as you'll likely be able to tell!

Well actually these pics are all Cam's shots, but I put it together using InstaCollage. They were in the first batch of photos that she sent me. 

Shot from my brother's iPhone. Sheer terror. Immediately before Dad dragged me down the stairs. Emotionally they both gave me away, but technically only Daddy. Perhaps the most traditional element of the day?

The wedding ceremony was in the living room and there wasn't exactly an aisle to walk down, so we just exited the room and ran upstairs to K's old room, the one in which I got ready. Privately, with Ashlei officiating and no other witnesses, we did a Pagan handfasting (binding) ritual after the ceremony, to honor my eclectic beliefs. When we thought Lynn was going to officiate, the wedding would've been more openly spiritual, personal, and less Christ-churchy-fire&brimstone. So I needed this. 

These are the vows we used for the handfasting. They resonated deeper with me than our Scripture passages.

Our actual vows were:

"In the presence of God, I, _______,

Take you, ______, to be my wife/husband,

From this time onward,

To join with you and to share all that is to come,

To give and to receive, to speak and to listen,

To inspire and to respond,

And in all our life together to be loyal to you,

With all my being, my whole life long."

We also had a line added about embracing each other's family as our own and Kevin had a line about taking Blaze as his own too. 

Immediate, warm welcome to the family and the friend family from Kevin's peeps! Jason is my local brother-in-law and Michelle is Kevin's childhood friend who skyped in.

Self-shot of my rings. They are quite shiny!

A complete album can be found here: https://plus.google.com/photos/113457249280314664219/albums/5896523749809274065?authkey=CO7g49f_3dmNFA

School's Out For Summer

I posted a status on Facebook about how Kevin, on his first day of summer vacation, brought me breakfast in bed. He always promises that this type of doting behavior (along with flowers every week or two) isn't because we are newlyweds and will continue throughout our lives. Here's hoping, because I feel so lucky to be spoiled and pampered. Let me tell you, it's not bad being treated like a queen.

After that lounging start, we went to work. It was a very physical day for me -- much more than I normally would ever pack into one day. Call it end of spring cleaning. 

Tuesday night we bought a new-to-us bookshelf off Craiglist, from a guy in Fairfax. We already have two bookshelves that are about 8 and 9 feet respectively and one in the 4 foot range. We turned a skinny 4-footer into a DVD shelf. The remaining three were not even close to enough room for the book collection of a couple who met working for their college newspaper. We are book nerds, plain and simple. And we can't even merge our collections because we have different ways of organizing our books. Kevin does what probably every normal person does (or would do if they read) and alphabetizes by author. I would, except I can't. I'm serious, with my "memory" or lack thereof I can't! I'd never find anything because I don't know who wrote it, unless it's Stephen King. So I clump my books in sections based on topics (a much broader thing to remember than a person's name!). I have sections on poetry, sports, animals (subsections: dog fiction, pit bulls, and sharks), philosophy, vampires, Stephen King, Harry Potter, Chicken Soup for the ______ Soul, mafia, religion/spirituality (subsections: new age, Christianity, and Wicca), college books I found interesting enough not to sell back, etc...

While Kevin reorganized our bookshelves and vacuumed the house, I gave our 4 bathrooms a thorough, deep scrub clean (top to bottom, every nook and cranny). Four bathrooms sounds awesome when you're shopping for a home. It is not awesome when you have to clean all of them. Halfway through cleaning the bathrooms, I took a "break" to organize our office with Kevin. Over the last two months we haven't ever put anything away in the office. We've just put office-type stuff into unassigned piles. Afterward, we went on our daily family walk, which is Blaze's long walk of the day. 

When all was done except the half bathrooms, we made ourselves a lovely dinner that happened to also require a lot of work. We had grilled kabobs: chicken, grape tomatoes, and both green and red peppers with a side of corn on the cob. Kevin cut the chicken; I mixed together a marinade for the chicken: a blend of teriyaki sauce, EVOO, egg, poultry seasoning, and lemon pepper. Kevin chopped veggies and shucked corn; I cleaned the main level half-bath. We skewered together.

We ceremoniously started our brand new grill (thanks to my in-laws!) together. Our grill is charcoal, because I'm old school and had no interest in a new, schmancy propane operated machine. Kevin's used to boiling corn and a more modern style of grilling, so when it came time to cook, I (wo)manned the grill. And while the coals were burning I cleaned the basement bathroom. 

We sat down to dinner at our brand new patio furniture (courtesy of Kevin spoiling me with stuff for the house). Dinner was fantastic. We considered our first new-grill meal a huge success, and we're very happy that grilling burgers is on our menu for next week. For his part, Blaze probably ate an entire pepper's worth of veggies, because we made way too much.  

In other backyard news, I've grown lush new grass (which is ironic because I have killed my one houseplant). We had a patch that was overrun with rocks and weeds, except for a few poorly maintained rose bushes. About 2-3 weeks ago, I poisoned and ripped out the weeds and raked the area until I got fresh dirt and sprayed out grass seed. With all the rain we've been getting it has flourished. Mommy made great grass for Blaze!

In healing news..... No, I'm still not getting any better, but my henna-like tattoo is all healed up. And quite pretty, if I may brag about my ink ;)

One more piece of healing! My scar, from the March surgery. My physical therapists always comment on how well it has healed. Nothing else is healing, so at least there is that!

PT in one hour! And pain doc, maybe resuming injections, tomorrow! Updates likely to follow....

Real time... Traveling!!

Kevin's friends are getting married today. On a beach on the gulf coast of Florida. I'm pretty sure it's the sunset, barefoot ceremony I've always dreamt of... And I haven't yet met these friends, so I'm honored to be there.

Unfortunately getting there means flying, and flying means a lot of bad things for me. I've flown alone since I was 15. Several flights alone since then. Florida. NC. LA. Bahrain. I've had layovers and missed flights and craziness.

Today I realized in this present health state, flying alone is another "thing I can't do." But Kevin, as always, is making sure to help with every possible thing that could go wrong. Within his control. He can't help how the pressure affects my swelling and pain...but he soothes me. He holds me still during the bumps that cause so much extra pain. He handled check-in. He carries the bags. He remembers to walk at my pace. He helps with my sweater on and off, zippers, and all. He body blocks other people from bumping me. He asks my every pain and symptom and ache, so, as he says, he knows how to help me. In all the hustle and bustle of traveling, his still on top of pill-time for me.

Without a complaint. Without a cross word to me. He doesn't do these things begrudgingly. He does these things with a smile, with lots of "I love you's" and forehead kisses.

We are on a layover now. Before our first flight I was terrified. So many things could be bad flying in my condition. But now I feel relaxed, I feel much more at ease. I'm learning to trust that he's got it. I am so used to being in control all the time, but I can't be anymore. I can follow his lead and it'll be okay. He's got this... And me.

What is your morning routine?

My husband's morning ritual starts out very similar to yours, I imagine. His alarm clock goes off waaaay too early (6am) and he stumbles out of bed. He showers, brushes his teeth, and gets dressed for the work day.

By the time he gets to me, he's just about ready to go. But his hardest tasks are still ahead of him. He has to wake me from a medicine induced sleep, something that is very different than simple, normal sleep. And I've never been a morning person anyway.

5 minutes later (I think) he helps me get dressed. We've laid the clothes out the night before because I'm too groggy to think in the morning. My clothing has to be comfortable and loose or wide fitting on the neck. My scar still hurts too much for the pressure of clothing.

I pee then brush my teeth; simultaneously he takes my purse, meds, and back o' junk/stuff to do downstairs. When I step out of the bathroom he is sitting, waiting on the bed. He leads me downstairs. I fall a lot, so I rarely walk up or down stairs alone anymore. I fall A LOT. Even on solid ground, not just stairs. It's awful.

I take my first set of pills at 6:30 (and every 2 hours after for the rest of the day). Kevin makes us both coffee (some days before I come down, some days after) and brings me an ice pack. He tucks me into "bed" on the couch. I get goodbye kisses and almost always a forehead kiss. Those are my absolute favorite. His forehead kisses make me feel safer than most anything. I thank him for all that he does and he leaves for work. I know within an hour, after he gets settled in at work, I will get a text from him, telling me he loves me.

On the coffee table are two Nutri-Grain bars (already opened to save my dead arm the trouble) my pills, my water, my coffee mug, my reading material, and my to-do list. I am in and out of sleep for the next few hours. I have alarms on my phone going off every two hours, and I have phone calls or texts, from Kevin, alerting me so I don't miss my medication. For some reason I don't have alarms set in the afternoon. By then I'm usually reliably awake. But if he doesn't tell me it's time to take my pill, I often forget.

He rarely shows frustration with my health problems/our life struggles. I often do. I cry almost every morning once he walks out the door. Between the meds and the tears I fall asleep quickly. I try to be strong for him, because he is so strong for me. I am exhausted from the physical battles, the emotional battles, the spiritual battles.

I am ashamed of my current way of life; though I know it's not my fault I've fallen ill I'm still ashamed of it. I feel I am grieving the loss of the person I know of as myself. She no longer exists, in the physical world. Only in our hearts and mind. I miss her. I'm still figuring out who I am now, and it isn't easy to do. I suffer from a loss of dignity in the things I can't do or need help with, but that list is a whole other post--literally, already saved in drafts!

Speaking of, I actually have several blog posts saved in drafts, almost ready to go. This was one of them. Some of the posts to come:

• things I'm unable to do at all, things I'm unable to do without assistance, and things I've lost
• my official diagnoses (health terminology and good old normal human speak)
• and other personal "us" things that keep Kevin & I going

As I mentioned, most of this entry was already saved in a draft, but I decided it was time to post this one because of a blog post I just read What Says Love In Your Marriage? and THIS is it. This morning routine that is so good for me, and so giving of Kevin SCREAMS love to me. 

I've felt guilty for the added burden in the morning. I mentioned that to him last night and his reply shocked me. He told me he likes this new routine. Even though it's a little more work, he gets to start his day talking to me, rather than just kissing an unconscious blob goodbye (our previous morning routine). I'm in awe of his positive outlook and deep love for me. I often feel I don't deserve it, but I sure am grateful for it.