First I have to give you all a little background on my husband. Kevin, like me, was an elite high school athlete in a specialized position (baseball pitcher to my soccer goalkeeper). He is also in a rather elite category of intelligence/education. He has a master's degree, and in all of his courses in college --both undergrad and graduate studies-- he only received two B's, all the rest A's. He has chosen to take his higher education and brilliant mind and work in the public school system as a special education teacher. So his heart speaks for itself. He also has given his free time to coaching. At the start of his teaching career he was a softball coach. This year, at a new school, they asked him to help with the baseball team, as the pitching coach.
Now, I know a little about high school coaching. I was the varsity head coach, thereby running that program. I was also fortunate to be the assistant coach and co-coach with many other experienced coaches, for two more sports. When I coached high school, my stipend paid as if I worked 10 hours a week. Never once was that true; I always put in closer to double that. Kevin also put in significantly more time than what constitutes the official season. The baseball team spent all winter doing pre-season conditioning. This is not part of the season. This is not paid time. But Kevin was at almost every single conditioning practice, unless I truly needed him. During the season, he would research pitching drills at home. He would practice the form of a throw or a drill wherever we were, reminding me of my best friend dancing ballet through stores when we were children.
Once the season began, the team had a practice or game 6 days a week. Kevin early on told his AD, head coach, and fellow assistant coach about my health problems and that occasionally there may be times that he'd miss a practice to be with me at a doctor's appointment. He also told them he wouldn't be available for many Saturday morning practices, because I'm alone all week and I'm disabled and he needed to be with me. He ended up missing a couple of games when I had surgery, and that was it. Early after my operation, we were both back to his games. This was never once a problem brought up with this during the season.
It was never a problem until Kevin's end of season meeting with the head coach. On the day of the meeting, before it took place, one of the players saw Kevin at school and asked him if it was true he wouldn't be coming back to coach. Kevin was shocked to hear this and didn't know what to say to it. Sure enough when he sat down with the head coach he was not asked back for next season.
The reason given? My health problems. Kevin was not committed enough to the team, because of me and my health problems. The head coach (HC) told Kevin repeatedly that it was understandable and of course Kevin should put his family first, but he wanted coaches who were more devoted to the team and had less distractions.
I went to as many games as possible, and I saw firsthand how great Kevin is with the players. They respect him and trust him. They like him. I know from coaching, if players trust and respect you, they will fight battle for you on the field and run themselves into the ground. If you don't earn their respect, even the most talented players will throw away their skills. Kevin helped the guys immensely. They listened and learned from him. They also grew to like me and counted on me being there regularly. Like my own high school teams, we trusted them to be mature young adults and didn't hide my problems from them. They were understanding of Kevin's rare absence to take care of me. They were a good group of guys, both players and people. I had a blast attending their games, feeling like they were my surrogate team since I had lost coaching my own track team mid-season.
Kevin told me it was immediately obvious to him that my health wasn't the real reason and I shouldn't blame myself, but I did. I felt guilt that he was losing something special, because of his devotion to me. I was hurt that a person could desensitize that way and talk about my health problems so coldly. And I was livid over both his loss and the callous approach to my problems. Kevin rationalized that high school programs are always desperate for coaches. If his commitment was the issue, it would make sense to bring in another assistant, but to ask Kevin to give whatever time he could. Not to tell him he wasn't welcome back. And that made sense to me. I had two assistants on my soccer team, neither of whom could give full-time attendance. But they were great with the kids and great with the sport, so I considered myself lucky to have them whenever I could.
The baseball HC made one off-the-cuff comment that Kevin honed in on and realized was the root of the issue. HC told Kevin "we're not there to make friends.." Kevin realized the real problem was that the players didn't like or respect the HC, but they liked and respected both assistants. Instead of bettering himself, the HC decided to let go of the better men.
The following week Kevin learned the AD didn't even know the HC was shuffling the coaching staff around. The AD also wasn't happy to learn the players all knew before the assistant coaches did.
Allegedly the players plan to bombard the AD and the principal with complaints, because they don't want to play next year. Kevin and the other assistant told the players it was nice that the players felt that way, but don't do it just because they like the assistants--do it only if they believe having these guys, and/or not that HC, is best for the team. I'm certain the players KNOW that, but I'm not sure if anything will change. Several players, really talented players, have threatened not to play next year, but who knows what a year will bring.
What I know is I made a list months ago about the things I've lost due to my health. My husband should not be able to make his own list regarding his work. I know he's right that this man, the HC, coldly used me as an excuse and it isn't the real problem, but that doesn't make it sting any less.
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