Friday, May 10, 2013

Negativity Jumped In & I Needed To Check Myself, So.... GRATITUDE LIST A-Z

Does the negativity matter? Probably shouldn't, but it feels like it. Please stick with me, I need to vent the negativity, then I'll get to gratitude. I PROMISE! (Or if you don't want to read the vent, scroll down to the positivity. It's not like I'll know!!)

I'm in the process of losing my house. (I have a stack of medical bills a foot high, most from the few months I was uninsured, some from even with insurance!) And so of course, the mortgage also became very challenging.

POP QUIZ:   How do you pay for out-of-pocket health care and housing when you are too sick to work and you are denied disability by the government?
ANSWER:  Oh, I don't have one, I was hoping you did.

So times are tough. Clearly. I thought I was going to get a renter for my home and I was thrilled. I'd still be a little behind on the mortgage but I'd get a chance to catch up. But then my Realtor screwed the pooch big time, time and time again. So that deal fell through. And now the bank says my "grace period" to put off paying is over.

This leaves me with one real option: a short sale. (Unless any of you are secretly rich and are interested in charity cases?!) In case you don't know, a short sale is when your bank says, okay, you can get out of this and we'll sell the house for a loss. You still may have to pay those months of debt, and the hit to your credit score is nearly as bad as a foreclosure.

Anyway, the girl from the bank I was talking to on the phone about this had a stereotypical valley-girl voice, and was overly cheery. I don't know about any of you guys, but while detailing my health and financial struggles and hearing someone talking to me like that, it kind of make me want to strangle either her or me....just to make it stop. Like, please?!

So I get through it; I'm scheduled to discuss all this with a case manager next week. And she leaves me with, "Well, I hope I've solved all your problems. Thanks so much for being a valued member of the BAC mortgage family! You have a spectacular rest of your day!"

I'm sure some of that is standard shit she HAS to say, but Oh-Emm-Gee, did she actually hear what we discussed??  Yup. Problems solved. Valued member about to lose that mortgage. And spectacular day, yeahhh she definitely wasn't listening to the medical stuff I said. I don't HAVE spectacular days anymore. I have constant pain. It's not spectacular. It's just not.

Here's where I get better. After realizing I can't strangle her, because I don't even know what time zone she's in. And I don't want to strangle myself. That REALLY won't solve anything. And I really don't want to stew in this all day either. So I go through my metaphorical box of tools and think this is a time that calls for a gratitude list. Without further ado, here's my A-Z Gratitude List:

A- Ash, Amanda, Amy S-F, & Alkaline Trio
B- Blaze, Baltimore, basketball, baseball & Bryce Harper
C- Casey, coffee, cardiologists, & coaching
D- Dad, DD3, doctors, & Denny's
E- Erika & Eastern Shore of MD
F- FCB, friends, & family
G- Gavin & gay marriage equality
H- Hockey, Holtby, & hospitals
I- Ice skating & ice cream
J- Jill B for washing my hair when I couldn't
K- Kevin, Kerry, Kali, & Keurig
L- Love & life
M- Moo, M&M's, Molly, Moshe, Mom & mixtapes
N- Noelani, neurologists, & neurosurgery
O- Old-timers & the ocean
P- Pete, Pipeline Soccer Club, PHS, & perspective
Q- Quest Court
R- Rose gardens, red roses, & Reece's Pieces
S- Soccer, sports in general, Steph, & Sara
T- Tattoos, Third Eye Blind, twizzlers, & traveling
U- Undergrad years at Salisbury U
V- Vivian, my new friend & vows
W- Wifey & Warfields
X- X-ray machines. Yeah, I'm a sick kid. Medical technology is super important.
Y- Youth sports, youth mentoring, young love
Z- Zebras, of the Rainbow variety. The almost 22 year old one, and the almost 2 year old one